Blood Mania (1970)

Blood Mania... What can I say about Blood Mania... Awesome fucking name. Half of the time you're watching it, it feels like a 70's porno, not a horror movie. It could be pretty awkward if someone were to walk in on some scenes. There are a lot of sexual situations in this movie. I mean A LOT.

The opening credits feature a girl who is naked, except for a see through nightgown, being chased through what seems like the world's biggest darkroom judging by the lighting.



The next scene has a naked woman in a bath. Then there's the topless pool scene, and the awkwardly long drugged sex scene. And on and on it goes. Not that I'm really complaining, but it gets kind of ridiculous after a while.

The first scene starts with an old bed bound man waking up from a dream that appears to be of him chasing down and raping some girl. After he wakes up and buzzes his buzzer for an inappropriately long time, he complains about how long his daughter Victoria took to respond. Doesn't seem like the nicest guy to be around.

Next, we meet Craig, a doctor, and his naked girlfriend who's taking a bath. She Invites him to bathe with her, but he gets an important call. It's someone from his past, and it sounds like they're demanding money.


Jump back to Victoria. She has her eye on the pool boy. When he accidentally drops his keys into the pool she makes her move. She goes to the pool and takes her top off, eliciting the reaction any guy would have in this situation.




...Or not.

He gets scared like a little bitch and runs away because, and I quote, "My mother wants me home." Wow...

This is about when I noticed how good the music was in this movie. There's everything from psychedelic guitar to Bossa lounge music. It's a great 70's soundtrack.

Anyways, our doctor arrives at the house, and it was probably a good idea for the pool boy to run away from Victoria cause she tries to fuck him too! If she gets guys to fuck her even half as much as she tries to, she's gotta have something.



The next scene starts with what else other than another sexual situation! Just as Craig and his girlfriend are about to get busy, there's a knock at the door. It's his old friend, and he's demanding $50,000.


In an amazing departure from this movie's previous style, the next scene actually starts post coitus. When his girlfriend asks Craig why he needs to pay the money, he reveals that he used to give back alley abortions. Back before Roe v. Wade, being a freelance abortionist was a big no-no. In fact, I'm pretty sure it still is...

Yeah, there's no fucking way that's legal.



Anyways, he's threatening to reveal his secret if he doesn't pay up. Then, the scene ends with them about to start having sex again.


Jesus. This guy's got stamina.

One thing I find really creepy is that Victoria still calls her father "Daddy." There's just something wrong about that.

The next time Craig and Victoria meet, she must slip him a roofie somehow because one second she's kissing him and the next he is being woken up naked in bed with her doing poppers. And yes, there's more sex.



Craig explains that Amyl Nitrate is illegal because it can kill people with heart problems. Right after this Victoria says she can get him the $50,000. She doesn't have it now, but she can get it soon. That's a fucking red flag if I've ever seen one. Right after he tells her how to kill someone with a weak heart (i.e. her dad) she says she can get the money.



Apparently Craig is retarded and can't predict that she's gonna kill her father. Even after he's fucking dead he doesn't know it was her until she tells him. God is he dumb.

And her dad had the weirdest fucking death face ever.



After she kills him she checks out her tits in his mirror for some reason. Fucking weird.



What's next you ask? If you really have to ask then there's no way you've been paying attention. Of course! it's a sex scene! Craig's girlfriend secretly calls his old friend to strike up a deal. She agrees to whore herself out to him if he leaves Craig alone. First of all, she's stupid to think he's gonna give up $50,000 for one lousy fuck. But of course he agrees, and he doesn't just have sex with her, he full on violently rapes her.



Then, to put the cherry on top of the rape sundae, when he's done and she's covering herself up and on the verge of tears, he tells her "You were good, but not THAT good." Meaning, just like I predicted, he ain't gonna give up that fifty grand and she just got raped for nothing. There is a lesson to be learned, that is never trust a blackmailer enough to let him put his penis inside you. It wont end well.



Might I also add that this is the last we see of Craig's girlfriend in the entire movie. I kept wondering where she was. After that rape she's a much more interesting character, but she's nowhere to be found for the duration.

So after Victoria kills her dad, she just wants the will to be read and have it be done with. Just one problem though, they need to fly her sister Gail in from New York.

And she's got some weird hair.



And at times looks like Jennifer Morrison (Cameron from House M.D.)




There's only one hiccup in their plan. Victoria isn't getting shit! The will gives all assets to Gail and leaves Victoria with $250 a week! Needless to say, this pisses Victoria off so bad she tries to attack Gail. Craig drugs her up and locks her in her room since she's no use to him anymore. He's gonna follow the money. That means going after Gail.

At this point I realized there's been zero blood in this entire movie. How the fuck are you gonna have no blood in a movie fucking called BLOOD MANIA? It's just like the complete lack of torture in The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism. Makes no fucking sense.

To woo Gail he takes her to the renaissance fair. Whoa, pullin' out all the stops ay? This scene is mostly smiles and sunshine, but these mimes in the fair are the scariest fucking things in the entire film!


Despite taking her to the renaissance fair, Gail inexplicably still has sex with Craig. During the fucking Gail flashes back to the beginning shots of the film. Does this mean that she was raped by her dad? Did he feel bad about that, making him leave her everything? We never find out since the flashback is never addressed.



Victoria sees them playing by the pool and kissing from her window, and she is not amused. She killed her father for Craig and now he's fucking with her sister? She flips shit and decides to kill Gail. IT WAS VICTORIA IN THE STUDY WITH THE CANDLESTICK MOTHERFUCKER!



Finally some fucking blood in this movie! It's brief, but it's greatly appreciated.





Then Craig shows up, finds the body, and cries like a little bitch. He puts the body in his car and goes back inside to talk to Victoria when one of the most random endings in the history of cinema happens.

As they're talking Victoria looks over and screams. Gail is standing in the doorway! IS THAT A FUCKING ZOMBIE? No! She falls and we see it was the blackmailer holding the body up. He does a fucking hilarious pose in the doorway, we get a close up of his smile, and then the fucking movie is over.





...What the fuck?

This has got to be THE funniest ending to any horror movie I've ever seen. I literally started busting out laughing when the guy came out. Fucking priceless.

Overall, I thought this was a great film. I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but if you love the style of movies from the 70's this is a definite watch. It's got good music, an intriguing story, and plenty of gratuitous nudity. What's not to love?