Friday, February 12, 2010

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark: The Big Toe


This particular story contains my favorite sentence of any of the "Scary Stories" books. And I quote:
"So he gave it a good hard jerk, and it came off in his hand."

I'll just give that a second to let it sink in...

There we go. Given this information, one might think this story is about performing sexual favors for a stranger with a foot fetish, but this is not so.

This story is about a young boy who finds a toe sticking out of the ground, rips it off of the foot it is attached to, and has his mother cook it for dinner. After the toe feast, as the boy is trying to fall asleep, the owner of the toe returns and starts asking "Where is my to-o-o-o-o-e?"

Fuck.

The owner of the toe, whatever it is (I'm guessing it must be a zombie), is pissed. It wants it's toe back, and it wants it back now. The only problem with casually reading this story, and many of the others, is the ending. Instead of an actual conclusion, you just jump up and scream "YOU'VE GOT IT!"

This is a fine ending when you're telling it out loud as a kid, but it's pretty annoying for casual reading. And apart from that, there is a secondary ending that's not any better than the first. It's ripped straight from Red Riding Hood. He asks the zombie/monster/ whatever the fuck it is
"What you got such big eyes for?"
"To look you through and through!"
"What you got such big claws for?"
"To scratch up your grave!"
"What you got such a big mouth for?"
"To swallow you whole!"
"What you got such big teeth for?"
"TO CHOMP YOUR BONES!"

...Wait. What the fuck? If he was gonna swallow him whole, why would he need to chomp his bones? I digress...

Well, anyways, after that it says "As you give the last line, pounce on one of your friends." I can't see that ending well.

If it were up to me, the story would have a much different ending.

Since apparently this is a family of cannibals, it should have ended with the mother and father eating whatever the zombie left over for breakfast.

No comments:

Post a Comment